Zenshin Taitsu to Watashi (My Tights and Me)
The Secret of Drag Queen pg. 226-232
Published: 2000.05.01

I am Dada, not the Dadaism Dada, but he who came from the Dada Star, and though I say the Dada Star I do not mean the Dada from Space Ironmen Kyodyne, but the enemy of Ultraman who came from the M78 nebula – that Dada. As a matter of fact, I am Dada 272, the improved (where exactly?!) replacement of my poor elder brother Dada 271, who was sent to earth with the mission of collecting human specimens and bringing them back to the Dada Star for his summer homework and not only to met with interference from Ultraman, but to top it all off was defeated by him!

….And with that will I leave off the introduction and divulge the secret of why I am Dada.

I was formerly a bandman (well, I still am but..). Every like I would wear different costumes – kimono, nurse uniforms, schoolgirl uniforms, lolita fashion – and at one point though, “Oh no! I'm out of costume gags!], and became unbearably worried as a result (you can probably guess that by this point the band's future was pretty dismal). It seemed like I wasn't going to come up with any good ideas in my general state of mind this time around, so I dispaired and suddenly thought OMG I've gotta go take a bath! (which had nothing to do with anything), quickly drew the water, and sunk down into the bathtub. I stopped breathing and listened, all the while thinking “Argh this is cold!”, and as I reached that state of transparent serenity the thought that floated through my mind was....

Dead or Alive! Raise your hand if you don't know of them~Oh you're all so young...I don't wanna get into it again. The image was from [Your Sweetness] single MV (they were going out of style by then, but if you happen to have it please let me know), in which London's most dangerous sex symbol (by Night Hit Radio) was for some reason or other wearing a full body black and white cow suit and, while being laughed at by the extras, singing ostracized and alone. Those black and white cow tights and that lonely looking white face, long back hair and a rough voice, and, to make matters worse, Pete had short legs despite being a foreigner. From the weightless black void of my cold bath I heard him say, "Da~Da~"

Within a split second I'd borrowed the Ultraman video. [He's weak! Oh so weak ♥」I was deeply moved by Dada's weakness. He turned to the Dada Star and sent a correspondence, [It's no good! Ultraman is far stronger than we expected!], only to meet his end bashed to bits by the messenger of the Land of Light, unable to stay on the earth more than 3 minutes. It was a weakness such that I wanted to add a Tsukkomi without even thinking “didn't I say you were too weak?” Furthermore, when you say Dada, there's the Dada android, and then there's the Dada Seijin which is different (with a limited budget they're for all appearances interminably the same though), and at that moment I realized that [the Dada android's] coming to earth was exactly the same as that of the Terminator. And then I regretted not taping the Yamada Katsutenai TV show he'd randomly appeared on (if you have it please let me know, anyone?)

In retrospect, when I was younger Dada was unbearably scary (according to something or other I read recently, it seems like there were a lot of other people who thought so too ♥). His inhumanly eerie face, dark but glowing eyes and popping stripes, and then that voice, those small limbs...well, I suppose people are eventually attracted to those things they vehemently rejected in the beginning (far-off gaze).

At any rate, it's fine that I intuitively thought, “This! Will be my next costume!”, but after I'd sketched him out from the video I was worried once again.

[How the heck am I supposed to make this thing?!]

This story is set in a time when there were very few cosplay shops in the city. First of all I tried calling a shop that had done a replica uniform of the Ultraman Guard and, upon doing so received some very valuable information. It seemed there was a maker who actually manufactured Dada replica masks out of resin.

“No way!” I thought and, although it turns out they had gone bankrupt a few years back, simply knowing that someone else had the same idea at some point fueled my desire to go through with it. The person at the studio said that the design was annoying to make so they wouldn't do it, and that even if they did, who in the world would buy it? But then he also taught me how to do various things, like how they paint the stripes on the kigurumi they used for photography at the time (it's a kinda interesting story).

And so, somehow or other, I made my Dada tights. If I'd made them like the real one with white paint on a rubber wet suit the breathability would have been awful – 200% on the discomfort index (though I'm sure the rubber maniacs would have loved it) - so I avoided that and drew stripes on a nylon bodysuit with a spray can and bold faced black marker, and didn't make the mask. Why not? You see, I thought it best to paint my own face black and white (so in this case the replica mask wasn't even necessary). And with that I was done. I put it on. It was embarrassing (the nether regions). It was Christmas outside, if I remember correctly. I have a feeling I'd been dumped around then, but there was no going back.

As a live costume it met with mixed reception. In retrospect it could be said that my “I only want those who are interested to see this ♥ As for the rest, I don't care” personality and my “Oh my this is embarrassing. I don't know where I should be looking” costume concept up to then both solidified at that time. As I suppose could be expected, after a few lives the band broke up (the majority opinion is that, somehow or other, the costume was to blame).

Be that as it may, I continued to commit myself to my game tights and painted my face over in black and white. There where times when I would hear of a visual band cosplay competition, and would naturally stop the reluctant-to-stop taxis from my house, grasp the handle strap of the Yamanote Line, and participate (it was in desperation, and thankfully I received some awards for it).

Whenever the judge asked me, “Um....you...just which band are you supposed to be from anyway?”, I would stoically answer, “I hail from the Dada Star.” It was like [Ultraman Fight] (I should stop making reference you young'uns won't get huh). Then I would also wear them under my street clothes on cold days (they insulate, and are pretty warm), and so they proved useful in health care too.

But, wearing only that everyday for a long time lead to catastrophe; with washings the color was fading. I was sad. My Tights, who had walked with me, hurt with me, and stayed with me through all those times, seeing the painful spectacle of those stripes now simply blurring as the faded away brought on the complex feeling that I, myself, was being rejected and would vanish too, and as I stood there before the washing machine gazing fixedly at that sight, I thought, “When these stripes fade to white I will surely die!” At that time the Ultraman Tiga rerun had begun. The posterity of that abominable Ultraman who had burried my comrad 271! The unplaced anger of Jamila, Gavadon, and Seabozu, the cruelty of the world, the compassion, I feel like I understood it all (the majority opinion is that it's because I wear stuff like that). At that point, frightful as it is, I had become Dada in my body and my soul. Ah~scary.

At that point a friend suggested I take some time off and invited me to Department H. Department H! That infamous (sorry, that was the reputation at that time) event where *censorship for the sake of my under 18 readers – I don't want your parents going YEARGGH at me cause I don't need that* Of course, I put on my darling My Tights for the first time in a number of months (they had this kind of hard boiled feel). And of course my face was painted over in black and white to specification (this time I have a feeling it was kinda spotty) with rubber gloves (already cracked) and florescent red goggles of my own make (already cracked), and so in this so called “fully equipped” state I attended the event.

On that day, th theme of the event was “aliens”. It was a theme based on the movie “Mars Attacks” (I think this is the only time in my life where I have or ever will truly fit into a theme). But the atmosphere of the event was fairly different from the rumors. Rather than being a place of glittering desire, it was like a Adult Kindergarten (that's a Sun-TV title, isn't it), a “pasture for perverts”. So if anyone is thinking, “Childhood was good. I wanna go back to kindergarten one more ti~me”, then you really must come at least once♥

I even received an award in the alien contest. It was the first time I had received applause for wearing these tights. I still remember vividly the expression in the eyes of the people who saw me there. Until then I had never been looked at so warmly (a characteristic pecular to those of Department H, the warm reception they have for these kinds of silly thing still hasn't changed. Nah, it's really a wonderful thing).

On stage, when asked what my name was, I instantly answered, “Dada.” This was the first time I'd given my name as such. I couldn't remember any others. When I glanced inadvertently at may arms and legs, under the stage light for the first time in quite a while, my black stripes had at some point become completely gray and started to fade out. “Tonight will be my tights' final performance,” I thought.

In that manner did that tortured soul who flew down from the Dada Star and clung to the Dada tights through me as I entered that cold bath, find its peace someplace unknown, perhaps in the demon graveyard on the far side of the moon, from the stage of ON AIR WEST at midnight on the first Saturday of the month.

After that I continued to patron Department H and at some point or other became a drag queen. Or, perhaps it's best to say that I became one of my own accord, as it is a world of complete self-declaration. Now, though I have not worn those tights for a long time, every once in a while they will suddenly come to mind.

Whenever someone asks, “Why do they call you Dada? Are you into Dadaism?”, to this day I still customarily answer, “No, in actuality I am a messenger from the Dada Star.”

And so shall I most likely never perform in those faded tights again. Well, I can't say that for sure right now, but as the new year rolled in you may notice that for some reason my once blond hair abruptly (due to the BigenBabaa** dye) turned black? Indeed does history repeat itself.

Quote Hanachan:
Thing I just noticed in the very first line: "time off" from what? XD
"Hey, Yuu--"
"DADA."
"Yeah, uh, 'Dada', I was thinking, maybe you might want to take some time off from, uh, being Dada, and go to this Department H, they do stuff there."

As if being Dada isn't doing stuff (>_<) *lol* maybe it's not


There were so many things I wanted to say and explain as I was translating this, and somehow I've completely forgotten it all...
Well, here's some blabber instead. It's odd to think some people don't know who Pete Burns and Dead or Alive are. Like, shocking. Everyone knows he was on Big Brother and had a fit because they took away his gorilla skin coat. Cause it was, you know, illegal. And they all did know that. A decade ago when it hadn't happened yet because it was Just That Epic (lol. epic.)

Other than that, this article was printed in The Secret of Drag Queen, a Department H publication. Department H is a drag club which used to be in Omote Sandou until they got in trouble with the police(?? Something about alcohol and dancing...not sure if that was true or not but it doesn't matter) and moved to a basement below a 711 in Nichome. Back at the turn of the century drag was totally groovy and everyone did it, but then it decreased in popularity and that's why they ended up in a basement with crates of calipis, various small hygene sundries, and suspiciously long lasting packaged squid katsup seaweed strawberry popsicle hello kitty flavored bread....j/k. Well, about the stockroom part - it's a properly empty place.

The Delashocker Kaijin Trading Cards are also Dept H publications (and can be bought for $3 for 6 at Dept H it seems).

Well, to sum this all up, Dada is awesome.
Not only did he walk around in a Dada suit for some unknown amount of time, but he also WALKED AROUND IN A DADA SUIT ♥
That's like walking around in a My Little Pony Suit! :D

He's also one of the few, if not only, people in Secret of Drag Queen who didn't write about homosexuality or sex of some sort in his article. So extra points for welcomely interesting off-topicness.

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MGazette 27
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Transcription
My Tights & Me