For me, being lolita is a way of protecting myself from a society that I cannot accept. When people grow up, they become members of society with all of the rules, hardships, and desires that adults are expected to have. Many of them are liers who will only help others if they feel that they will somehow benefit themselves. The world being largely capitalist by now, this often means money or connections, wealth or fame. After all, isn't that suppose to be a healthy adult's dream?

And so people will lie and use you for money or social acceptance. I have seen many lolita write about being ridiculed by classmates or people passing on the street. I am sure some have felt hurt and unsure after this happens, perhaps some may even think, "maybe I should just stop." I understand how it is to be the outsider who always feels like they are looking into another world, and who is always wondering what it would be like to be popular and accepted. To be part of the "in-group." And I understand the lonliness that comes with it, since this feeling is often accompanied by, "well, it's just my fault for being boring/ugly/childish/selfish/stupid/bad at sports." It's as if some lolita, after being rejected by someone else, then turn around and try to defend it by placing the blame upon themselves!

This is not acceptable. Especially for a lolita. The truth is that just about everyone is at some time or other weak or unsure of themselves. The difference, however, is that while lolita internalize their uncertainty and turn it upon themselves, the members of society who ridicule them force their uncertainty upon those around them. When they call you childish or silly, or point at you and laugh with their friends, they are not pointing at you. They are pointing away from themselves. The best way to affirm one's own position and hide one's own faults is by focusing on the faults in others.

Now having said that, I must admit that I believe lolita are weak as well. Rather than finding a way to handle this environment, they are escaping from it with their clothing. However, these lolita are running from the inperfections they see in their societies, rather than helping to perpetuate them. This is because a lolita is naturally sensitive and does not feel right using other people to make herself look better. A lolita must have pride in this aspect of herself; she should not like herself just as a lolita, but as a person as well. And she certainly shouldn't simply say it; she should believe it with all of her heart.

Hidden by her lace and frills and panniers, refusing to use other people to feel better about herself, a lolita is the one with the real value. Unfortunately, in Japan, there are many lolita who use the style to create the same system among themselves. I first learned how to be a lolita first from one of these people. It wasn't until I ended up laughing with her at one particularly fat lolita who bent over, revealing her underwear to everyone behind her, that I realized what was really going on. Because the truth is, my friend seems to smile most when she's causing harm to someone else. But this lolita was smiling, even though she was all alone. I wish I could go back and talk to her, I really, really do.

May I never hear a lolita say of herself that she is not worth anything. Because, in truth, she's worth much more than she knows.

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