I don't know how many times I've heard this. I always sing at my part-time job, and someone never fails to say one of two things. The first is that I should try to go pro, or that I sound like an angel (potato angel? lol). or that I have a lovely voice or they want me to record something for them and bring in a CD....you know, typical supportive comments. Although sometimes they just pat me on the head and smile.

But the other common remark is that I sound so happy. There's always someone who also starts singing a completely different song, and I'm not sure how to interpret that (maybe it means be quiet?), but they'll say it's because they heard me singing and wanted to sing too. There was that time I had everyone singing Tatu...

When you think about it though, how many people actually sing because they are happy? I don't mean groups like "Morning Musume" who just sing happy, bouncy pop songs.

Oh no my hand got run over by a giant rolly polly panda of looove
Happy happy smooshy pand hand dance in the shine of starry sky!

...not that, although I might come up with a smooshy panda hand dance later. And then everyone will do it like the Macarena. But back to topic, I mean people who go through life at work, in the car, at home, on the tread mill, at parties, and find joy in singing and listening to music. I mean the festivals of Latin America the drag queens love so much, the circus, the theatre. Singing is an escape from a painful reality that offers no solace but a song.

And so what would one suppose I think lolita is, then? Yup, you guessed it. Lolita is enfolding your body in clothing, just as a singer does with song, only this time completely for yourself. If strangers are scary, it seems lolita is a display their lace and ruffles that warns predators to, "Leave me alone." If you're alone and in the city attending college, your friends and family back in a rural part of the country and inaccessible, the lace and fabric of the clothing can give the kind of support your friends and family did. It can serve as a distraction from middle to upper class pressures and purposelessness, loss of self, loss of childhood and lack of comfort and security. Sometimes I see lolita as much more an escape from the ugly than a creation of the beautiful.

There is one particularly touching story I have of a lolita I met with in Japan. I had spotted her on the train and asked if she wouldn't be willing to meet with me to chat for an hour or so, just to answer a few questions about lolita. And so we did meet, and I was amazed by what a wonderful person she was...extremely shy and lonely, but at the same time open and honest. She had moved from Kyuushuu to the city in order to attend college, and had been too shy to make friends. And although she had a stuffed animal she carried with her everywhere and talked to, this just didn't seem to be enough of a comfort to her (naturally). In fact, she seemed happy to be able to talk to me and even lent me some books...

This particular lolita, Kagami, had done ballet when she was younger, and often spent time with her mother watching videos of Swan Lake, etc. When she first saw the full, stiffened skirts of the lolita fashion she was intrigued, and as some of her friends had been wearing the style, she also ended up wearing it on occasion. When she found herself in Tokyo alone, her natural response was to turn to the clothing as a reminder of her family, friends, and childhood dreams of being a ballerina. As such, she was deeply interested in the more beautiful, refined aspects of being a lolita, and proved well read in the subject and extremely devoted to living as a lolita would. I have never seen anyone make an Alice Auaa skirt look quite so neat and natural looking in my life.

When I remember her, I can't help but smile a little. She really was a wonderful, kind, lovely person...but at the same time she's part of one of the reasons I sing so much. And that reason is regret. You see, she lent me some books, and I was going to return them to her, but as I was not done she told me I could keep them until I had finished. About a week before I left for the US I emailed her to see when I should drop off the books...but there was no response.

I still have them, those books. And I still want to give them back. So if by any chance someone happens to meet a lolita named "Kagami" online...please ask her about this for me.

That aside, this is also a few days before Hora's birthday, and I was remembering yet another thing I somewhat regret (laughs). That is, for his birthday....2 months after his birthday...I decided to randomly go and record Inner Universe in english and send it to him for "no real reason. I was just bored and happened to have it translated and stuff, and so I sang it and sent it to him even though it sucked" But it's not that I really liked him or it or anything, naturally. It really was an unfortunate recording, since I had to sing along to my headphones and had quite a few problems breathing properly and all that due to circumstances of "Big Echo Shinjuku karaoke $10 recording production." Needless to say, you will not be hearing it. If I were suddenly inundated with requests I would probably upload it, but I doubt that's going to happen. I suppose you can listen to the song I made in the "about me" section about throwing frogs across the room for the same overall effect.

Really though....I'm actually not bad (laughs), I just feel the need to say I am. My english student/radio producer even said my enka was impressive. Now I just need to learn how to write normal songs...you know, life really is about connections, and in the end we're all but a hair's width apart, and sometimes all it takes is reaching out a finger and brushing that hair aside...

And that's why I'm asking about Kagami (wry smile). Because I figure surely someone who knows her will read this eventually, somehow. Right...

Don't live your life in a way that will make you regret.
(and don't sleep with 50 year old billionairres to acheive your dreams.
I could have been a singer now but...well, that's a pretty steep price to pay >_<)

PS. And there are new Minna no Uta on Youtube!!! (including more Taniyama Hiroko!)

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