Today when I went to do my laundry I noticed something peculiar. Everything in the washing machine was light blue, black, white, and gray...and I stopped and thought to myself "what's happened to me?" Where have all the colors gone!? (Paula Cole searches for her long lost laundry)...not to say that I don't have any bright clothing. I bought shiney pink Buffalo Boots and then had to buy shiney pink stuff so I could wear them, and so now I have all these weird pink things in my drawer but that doesn't really count (>_<). Nah, it just makes me shiney every month or so. The thing is, I realized, just a little, that I think I've grown up. I even woke up crying last night, and that's something only older people do I imagine; they're the ones who have the most to regret, and so they're the ones who regret even in their dreams....

Not that I know what was wrong though : f
I just remember there was Nakamori Akina, this temperamental Japanese lady from the 80's who fell in love with some guy, was rejected, and ruined her career with alcohol. And I don't even drink! (unless you count tea and Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper...and that Amaretto I found in the closet...shhh), Nor do I have a career to ruin really. So it made no sense.

Still, sometimes I feel that there's something frozen about me. I often picture my life as a glittering winter scene next to a frozen lake. Everything that touches the lake turns to ice as well, and even though I want to break through the surface and sink down into the dark water below so much...I can't. I can't even touch the lake; I have to stay out there shivering and wondering if anything will ever come that can make me stop from feeling so cold (I used to be a winter child, but now I can't stand the cold. When I told my friend, he said I was probably just enimic from being so small, and so I've been snarfing seaweed and drinking Honey Vanilla Camomile tea...from my Barbabelle mug! Okay, maybe kind of a kid still, hm?.)

Sometimes I wonder how other people my age think, sitting in their lolita dresses. Do you feel the coldness too, and is that what you're running from? Or am I just chemically imbalanced....I think that's it XD But I think it's also part of who I am, and so I can't say I dislike being this way really~

Well, at any rate, I think this song sums it up quite nicely:

Chicane - Saltwater

I've been really into ambient-type techno recently. Before that it was punk and 80's stuff though...

 

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